


LYRIC PROMPTS: Nothing gold can stay

by LiterallyAmazingPhan



Series: A collection of word/lyric phan prompts [10]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Drabble, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phan Angst, Phanfiction, lyric prompts, phanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2016-02-08
Packaged: 2018-05-19 00:09:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5948427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiterallyAmazingPhan/pseuds/LiterallyAmazingPhan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part of my series of drabbles based on word/lyric prompts:</p><p>“He fell in love slowly. The realization came about even slower, spreading through his limbs in a fit of warmth, melting him from the inside. It was a good feeling, even though it was also partly uneasiness. He had to make up his own mind first, to convince himself of his own feelings. The first obstacle was to actually know if it was worth risking it. Was it worth risking losing his smile, his companionship? Was it worth having the unsaid words hanging over their heads or would he rather let them out in the open?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	LYRIC PROMPTS: Nothing gold can stay

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on my tumblr blog as a part of the lyric/word prompt challenge. Hope you like it!

He fell in love slowly. The realization came about even slower, spreading through his limbs in a fit of warmth, melting him from the inside. It was a good feeling, even though it was also partly uneasiness. He had to make up his own mind first, to convince himself of his own feelings. The first obstacle was to actually know if it was worth risking it. Was it worth risking losing his smile, his companionship? Was it worth having the unsaid words hanging over their heads or would he rather let them out in the open?

It wasn’t easy, but from his perspective it seemed like the only rational decision. It was better than secrecy, the half-truths slowly driving him into insanity. All the ‘I love you’s said platonically when he actually meant it. He meant it so badly, it felt like torture to watch him smile and shrug off his feelings. All the precious moments he held so dear which probably meant nothing to him, never the same. He decided to risk what they had, as precious as it was, and gamble for some more. Perhaps it could work?

So he did it, one day. They were laughing about something silly and then it became serious all of a sudden. He looked the boy he was certain to love right in the eyes and told him they needed to talk. Nervously, he got the words out. His darkest secret was now shared and it felt like a relief to do so. He was his best friend after all, carrying that burden alone didn’t seem right. So he gathered his strength to look up and meet his eyes for the first time after his feelings were out in the open.

He looked up, proud of himself for saying it, meeting his eyes at once,

He expected to find the surprise, the shock. He even expected to find some doubt in there, the underlying fear of being made a fool of. It was only logical,

He never expected, however, to find fear in his eyes,

He didn’t expect the sadness and that sudden little flash of disgust that crossed his face,

He could have never expected his mouth to move and immediately refuse, saying that it could never happen. It was not right and he never expected it and he just couldn’t see him like that at all,

He could not predict the uncertainty in his eyes, the silent accusation hiding deep inside, the one that screamed _you used me, you wanted me all along and you never said so, you waited until you thought I couldn’t say no._

There was no predicting that it would be the night when his heart would ultimately break.

Things seemed to pick up the pace after that. The distance grew and he knew he gambled away his only shot at happiness by his side, even as friends. He saw him date more, spend less and less time by his side and it hurt to know why. Cursing the day he ever thought it would be a good idea to confess, he now had to live with the knowledge that his best friend was just not as comfortable around him. He started to realize that maybe what they had was enough. Maybe it was as good as it would ever get for him, his golden years, and he blew it over stupid feelings. He was certain that there was no avoiding the next step after that, and the next and the next, until he was completely gone, cut off from his life forever.

_“I see you’re going, so I play my music watch you leave”_

It wasn’t surprising when he came back home with a girl one day and introduced her as his girlfriend. The boy smiled and pretended that he was totally over him, but hearing the sounds they made in his room deep into the night, muffled moans of ecstasy, hurt so much he cried himself to sleep that night. Alone and broken, he tried to keep his misery down, tried to conceal it and smile bigger and bigger as they stepped further and further away from each other.

It was inevitable and he knew the turning point was there. Soon, the other boy’s relationship progressed, until one day he said he was leaving. It did not surprise him in the slightest to know he was leaving after all. Looking into his eyes, it was never more obvious. It hasn’t been the same ever since, you realized. Your unrequited feelings, his discomfort with the truth that something did happen between you once. His inability to accept that he once felt it too only fueled him farther and farther away from you and closer to her. He would never say a single thing, you realized as he walked away from you at once, the promise of a wedding invitation in the future only managing to wound you deeper.

All he could do was smile his broken smile as he said his goodbyes, certain that it was now over forever. It could never be. No matter how perfect it once was, no matter how much he knew that he felt it too at some point, it was definitely over and done ever since he confessed his true feelings for the boy. It wasn’t surprising at all to watch him leave. It didn’t hurt as much anymore, because it had been over for a long time. All the good parts, all the beauty of it, it had been erased by the words he uttered all that long ago and he knew it.

He smiled at the wedding too. He definitely did not cry when he realized that it could have been him there, if only… If only. It was life’s relentless power of destruction that shattered any sweet illusions of happiness that he could ever hope for. It was all gone and he knew why now.          

_“Nothing gold can stay”_

**Author's Note:**

> Idk how to feel about this. Sorry, I didn’t know the song and I’m not a big Lana Del Rey fan( I just don’t like her so much idk??) So this was difficult, but hopefully I managed to do something with this!


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